Eternal Grieving and the Weary Mind

What is this thing I carry, but pretend is weightless? It’s part of me, but separate. Embedded into my every thought but makes no sense. An equation I’m living but can’t solve.

When Someone Is Hurting You Don’t Throw More Punches

I have not lost a child, but I know grief. I know what it’s like to have a community come together to offer support and comfort and to celebrate a life taken too soon. I know that this comfort can be the thing that holds you up and keeps you from falling apart when you’re […]

The Day I Prayed For My Brother To Have Cancer

I don’t know how long I sat there. My hands were clasped in sweaty-palmed desperation. My eyes were shut and my jaw clenched. The office bustled around me and phones rang. I ignored the morning commotion of the sales office and concentrated. I was praying. Bargaining, really. I was cutting deals left and right with […]

Lessons From the Worst Day Of My Life

It was my wedding day. I found myself standing outside the doors to the chapel. My heart was racing. Pressure began building inside and I felt my eyes fill up with tears. I can’t do this. Before I could turn and run, the doors were flung open. I was caught off guard as 80 expectant […]

Today, I Will Remember The Times We Used To Share

Sittin on top of the world, Sittin on top of the world. Remember the times we used to play, We sing and we’d dance all damn day… -Lenny Kravitz, Sittin On Top Of the World This is an anniversary I never wanted to celebrate. One I wish I could forget or ignore. Fifteen years ago […]

The Longest Goodbye

“You were fighting every day So hard to hide the pain. I know you never said goodbye, I had so much left to say. One last song, given to an Angel’s son.” -Sevendust, Angel’s Son I never said goodbye. It’s taken me 14 years to realize it. I remember so much and so little about […]

Damn You, Feelings

“Welcome to the inner workings of my mindSo dark and foul I can’t disguise,Can’t disguise.Nights like this,I become afraidOf the darkness in my heart…Hurricane” -MS MR, Hurricane This has been a crazy year. At the dawn of 2013 I declared that it would be “The Year of Not Learning.” The previous year had been kinda […]

The Other Shoe

“Happiness hit her like a train on a track…” -Florence and the Machine, Dog Days Are Over I have written before about being happy. And I wasn’t lying. Most of the times I am content and pretty happy. Happy is my default setting. But sometimes, behind the smile is a little sense of dread, a […]

My Brother By the Numbers

“Tell me how… ‘n show me now.. To understand… What makes a good man? Tell me now… Hey walk the line… Hey understand… What makes a good man?” -The Heavy, What Makes A Good Man It’s different every year. I never know what to expect. Some years it’s a day of celebrating. Some years it’s […]

Lessons From the Worst Day of My Life

“And I know it aches and your heart it breaks and you can only take so much….  Walk on.” -U2, Walk On It was my wedding day. We had spent the past year and a half planning every little detail, the string quartet, the candles, the sunset. Yes, even the sunset. One year before our […]