Gretchen L. Kelly, Author

Ciara Exposes Cleavage, Ruins Football

  Did you feel that? It was subtle, so maybe you missed it. The ground shook a little and the skies cracked open. Swear jars and chore charts toppled off of the shelves of suburban track homes all across the country. There was a collective gasp from young children, their eyes assaulted. Parents everywhere rushed […]

Five Rules For The Jackholes Trying To Ruin Halloween

Can we not suck the fun out of Halloween? Can we have one day? One day where it’s just about having fun and there are no guidelines or parameters or judgement or rules? I’ve been hearing plenty of grumbling on both mainstream and social media. Things that annoy people about Halloween. “Rules” for trick or […]

You Know You Want To…

C’mon. You know you want to hop on over to the SisterWives and see what I’ve cooked up! I love the inter webs. The new vocabulary, the memes, the judgement cast about in passive aggressive terms. It’s a wild world of anything goes and sometimes it makes for great blog fodder. And sometimes we have […]

Warning: May Offend

Hello lovelies. Today I’m over at my other home, The Sisterwives. On Monday Briton, aka Punk Rock Papa, wrote a hilarious post about inappropriate humor. Today, it’s my turn. I’m not the funniest person in the room, never will be. But I’m a real good side kick. I can run with your jokes and play […]

Four Ways I’m #Winning At Parenting

  I like to think I’m a pretty good parent. I love those three kids more than anything in the world. I have spent the better part of 14 years doing all the things for them. You know, all the mom things. They are pretty lucky little shits if you ask me. And I tell […]

How To Survive An Outbreak: A Survivor’s Tale

“You feelin’ alright I’m not feelin’ too good myself” -Joe Cocker, Feelin’ Alright I don’t want to be an alarmist. And there’s already enough hysteria floating around like airborne microbes through a misting fan. But you guys- it was bad. Fever. Puking. Other stuff that polite southern women don’t talk about. Four out of five […]

Makeup Free-dom

“To be yourself is all that you can do, yeah to be yourself is all that you can do” -Audioslave, Be Yourself Take off all your makeup. Right now. Seriously, stop reading, get out your makeup remover (that you surely have with you at this very moment) and remove all of your makeup. What… you […]

Foolin’ Around

 “Pick up my guitar and play, Just like yesterday, Then I’ll get on my knees and pray We don’t get fooled again.” -The Who, Won’t Get Fooled Again April Fool’s Day is a holiday I can get behind. There’s no pressure to get the perfect romantic card and chocolates or flowers (ahem, Valentine’s Day). There’s […]

5 Things That Were Totally Unfair From Your Youth (but maybe were a good thing)

“You can’t always get what you want, But if you try sometimes, You just might find, You get what you need.” -The Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want Parents hear it all the time, “That’s so unfair!” If you’re like me you respond with something like “Yeah, yeah kid. Life’s not fair. […]

Too Old To Rock? A Cautionary Tale

“Dear Mr. Fantasy play us a tune, Something to make us all happy. Do anything, take us out of this gloom, Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy” -Traffic, Mr. Fantasy I hope I never get too old to go see live music. It’s one of my favorite things to do. The things I’ve […]